Friday, December 12, 2014


I've just come home from the snow.

I arrived back in the states in the last week of November, after throwing a surprise birthday party, attending a concert, a musical, and getting a last few brunches in with friends. I was trying not to get too sentimental, but some part of me knew that it could well be my last farewell for sometime.
And I think that feeling may have just been confirmed.

It's hard to explain to people how you could want to leave a beautiful place. But although home can be anywhere, a place, a tree, a person, some things are more home than others.
While I find a strong sense of home in the moon, and in the sea (that might sound strange, but they are valid ties), the overwhelming sense of home lives in people, my people. My Mum and my Dad, my two little-huge brothers. My friends down the street. This house. This little patch of earth, for now, is my homiest home. And that's all I can really say.

My father and I flew into Vancouver last week, and then drove to Hope, and onto Summerland where my family resides. This trip will probably stay with me more than any other trip I have had, or will have. I got to meet two of my cousins beautiful boys. They are all healthy, happy, and incredibly wonderful. I so enjoyed the small time I got to share with them.

     On Sunday afternoon, we drove into Kelowna to have lunch at my Aunt's, and during our stay she pulled out all the old photos my Grandpa had given her as he cleaned out his home. Hundreds of perfectly kept, beautiful photos from the 1910's, 20's, 30's, 40's and so on. I knew my Grandpa had a brother that was killed in France in WWII, but being able to see photos of him growing created the air of a soul that once was. I also found out that he'd had an older sister, who had passed before he was born at only 5 years of age. Would you believe there were a handful of photos of her? From 1914? I was amazed, and completely taken with her sweet face and scruffed up Mary Janes. Among these things were telegrams and handwritten letters full of sorrow about my Great Uncle's death, but though the words are still heavy on the page, they leapt forward and summoned up images from that time and it really is something.
     We spent a lot of time in the car, but I am grateful in particular for one evening, where I sat at my Grandpa's knee and listened to him tell me everything about his service in WWII. I showed him all the pictures I was taking home, and he laughed as his memories replayed in his mind. Moments he lived long before I was born. I miss him already. I feel privileged to be tied to so much history.

I don't have any phone reception in North America with my Australian phone, but the serene and still winter landscapes left no need for technology, except to try and capture it's quiet and cool beauty.

On our last day, we paid a small visit to my one of my cousins' houses so we could meet their three little boys. Sweet as can be. I was in heaven, as I always am around babies. Here's a picture of part of their back yard.

Until summertime, Summerland. I love you so.

billie jane

Friday, October 10, 2014


from a recent trip to my friend's gorgeous little house in palm beach.

it seems i am quite terrible at blogging, though i have been documenting my life in my own small ways for as long as i can remember.

i lost my love for my camera sometime during this year. i lost my words too.

it broke my heart a little bit, and i've had a lot of breakdowns along this road of recovery.
i've spent a lot of this year 'figuring things out'.
i'm still not a thousand percent sure what i'm doing, or where i'm going to be doing it yet, nothings stable in my heart just yet. i'm still finding my way, and that's okay.

i'm trying.

one thing that hasn't been lost is my love for being out there in the world. this year alone, i've been home to los angeles three times, out to the desert twice, and to the northern beaches here in sydney. and before the year is up, i'll be home once more, and then on to canada, and finally beginning the year in paris. it seems i'm in a different country for new years every year. i'm not complaining.

here's to finding yourself, through backroads and overgrown paths.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

saying goodbye to winter.

everyone's asleep but i just want to listen to my music.
the sweet sounds on an orchestra, the gentleness in justin vernon's soothing slurred melodies.
i am tired, but i can't sleep.

until i fall in love with my camera again, i've been taking easy outfit-portraits and snaps of the world i live in via my trusty iphone. i've been posting them here:

we celebrated my uncle's birthday last week. ollie was allowed to supervise the candles...

saying adieu to a very cold and wet winter. bondi, you sure are beautiful, but give us some of that springtime sun so i can enjoy you better.

some artwork i found on a stroll around the neighborhood, and waiting for the bus in my wells on one of the aforementioned rainy days.

some recent purchases: a cronut at university one day with my friend izzy, and a very necessary clueless notebook.


an outfit from last sunday...

and a stripy one from monday!

got lucky on the 'first day of spring' and had clear blue skies for a couple hours before the grey clouds moved in. i lay out in the sun with my babies for awhile.

an outfit from today.

i am much happier these days, halfway through this second semester of university and doing my best to keep up. sharing a lot more laughter with good friends and enjoying my classes a little more. going to a few concerts, working too much as usual, but it'll all pay off in the end, as i've just booked a flight to paris at close of this year.
good things to come. i'll leave you with this view.

billie jane

Sunday, July 20, 2014

chasing youth

things have been busy, as they usually are during my home visits.

it's not a complete summer without a trip to the hollywood forever cemetery, so my friend and i packed up our picnic gear and headed down into the heart or hollywood to watch david lynch's blue velvet last night. oh what a strange world.

we enjoyed ourselves, we love weird movies.

last monday i set off with one of my longest-time best friends (since we were 8), and drove all the way into the desert to hang around salvation mountain. it was so hot that we were only there for probably an hour, but we made a whole trip of it. my little memory of our trip:

chasing adventure, chasing the moon, chasing our youth.
we’re in the middle of nowhere, in all seriousness. we drove for over an hour without seeing anybody really, when our little motel popped up on the side of the road.
the sun set against a dusty rose streaked sky far behind us, I could see it in the rearview mirror as we drove alongside a lake I’d never heard of before, or didn’t expect to see way out here in the desert. 
we’ve pulled over every so often to explore deserted modern-day ruins: crumbling structures, abandoned beaches, and empty freight trains.
we wandered into the one store in town that we could find open at 9’ o’clock at night in daisy dukes and boots. it’s obvious that we don’t belong here, but that’s okay, we’re not apologizing. we drank beer and danced around the hotel room in skimpy pajamas while the tv hummed and flashed with reality tv as a background filler.
where are you?’ everyone kept asking.
somewherei said, somewhere far away.

i have a whole post to do, with all of those photos soon, but here's one or two for now:

thursday came around and it was carly's nineteenth birthday, so we threw a little soiree to celebrate.
awesome grainy iphone photos because it got dark so quick

safe to say she enjoyed it very much. we had cake and sparklers, and some beautiful long chats around the fire about paris, (my conversation), and tinder (others) haha!

i am busy it seems everyday, some days are more quiet than others, but i'm just trying to be here and quietly take everything in before it's all gone again and i am lifted up into the sky. oh i miss these friends already.

my morning today was slow, but i pried myself from my fluffy white bed to shower, but oh how i wish i hadn't turned on my computer.
with this morning came the news that a childhood friend of mine lost a brother to the war in israel. he was killed as an idf on the gaza strip. i knew him well as a child, and my heart breaks for my sweet friend and her family.
there always seems to be some form of hate or evil going on in the world. i know i alone can't change that, but i encourage you everyday to re-evaluate what you think is truly important to you and to this world and to do more of whatever that is. i hope it is love, i hope it is laughter and light. because if we change within, and act out with kindness, maybe we really can change the world.

rest in peace my dear max, life was taken from you much too young.


Friday, July 4, 2014

hummingbird heartbeat

it's 3 am but i'm home and i'm happy.

spending time being silly with friends i love and it's all just bliss, ya know?
today i went shopping, dipped my feet in carly's pool.
then irma came over, put lip liner all over me so i could have bigger lips!

  we took too many pictures, went to dinner, came back and danced around on Photo Booth for old times sake, and then decided to leave for dessert at 11.45pm.

she had two bites of cheesecake and then was full.
i am so grateful to have so many beautiful, hilarious, and talented friends in my life. they're so loving and make me so happy.

happy happy happy to be home. feeling crazy, feeling the love.